Only the second ever ‘Darryl’s Top 5’ and we’ve arrived at something drink related. It was a matter of time. Best to get it out the way now.
We’ve all had one of those mornings (afternoons). You wake up from ‘a quick drink’ feeling like Mike Tyson has chewed your face off and all around you are the bitter sweet reminders of the night before. Let’s take a look at the top 5 signs of a good night out.
Number 5: The Stuff That Makes You Go… “Huh”
I asked Twitter for some suggestions and one common theme throughout was my reaction – “Huh”. In the cold, hard, sober light of day, these things may seem a little strange… but just imagine how much fun they must have been at 3am.
“@DTBakes: @darrylmorris awoke to find 2 randomers dressed as zebras and wrapped in Tin foul in my living room once at Uni…assume they had a good one”
“@Pete_Allison: @darrylmorris Discovering the half-eaten, abandoned remains of a KFC, semi-undressed, with a nightclub tramp stamp smeared on your wrist.”
“@JoeFlinder: @darrylmorris Nipple piercing. I’ve still only half of the functioning nipples that I once had. Sigh.”
On questioning this…
“@JoeFlinders: @darrylmorris Wish I was joking… All of this occurred in a tiger suit, on Blackpool front.”
“@KrissHerbert @darrylmorris we used to have a wall in Uni of all the things we *found*, best one was a spare tire from a car.”
Number 4: The Mystery Injury
Feeling a little hung-over is one thing, finding half your head inexplicably missing is quite another. But it happens to us all. My friend Tom once awoke to find the vast majority of the skin on the right side of his body was a little ‘torn’ after a night out. Early accusations thrown at Mike Tyson were soon quashed after a call from a chap called Steve. It turns out Steve had picked us up from our night out in his private hire mini-bus. He seemed genuinely concerned for Tom’s welfare and we were all a little puzzled as to why. Steve went on to explain that, after appearing from the club a little later than everybody else, Tom had chased the departing mini-bus down the road and attempted to jump onto the back of it – just at the moment Steve had hit the breaks for red light. Tom vs Mini-bus. Mini-bus won. Steve’s call wasn’t just out of kindness and concern though; he also wanted the extra £45 we owed for a detour to A&E. Cheers, Steve.
The moral of the story is clear, no good night out is complete without at least one of your party waking with an injury. Throw yourself at the back of a mini-bus if you have to!
Number 3: The Walk of Shame
Never pleasant if its you, a bloody joy to behold if its somebody else. Hosting a Sunday morning radio show as I do, you can imagine the sights I see trudge past the studio window. Nothing is more satisfying than seeing their head down, shoes in hand, last night’s knickers on back-to-front and the potent stench of booze, fags, and regret trailing behind them.
Number 2: The Misplaced Phone Number
It seemed like such a good idea at time, didn’t it? It was really kind of him to buy you that drink, wasn’t it? Carrying her to the taxi because her feet hurt wasn’t in the slightest bit unpleasant, was it? Can you even remember what I’m talking about?
Not so much the morning after. Texts and phone calls from overly keen strangers are common place and only go to prove you were a big hit on your night out! Congratulations. Now, change your number. And your network. And ideally move house… just in case.
That’ll teach you to be friendly!
Number 1: The Cone
The definitive sign of a good night out, I’m sure you’ll agree. Waking up to find your street littered with stolen cones and dis-placed ‘For Sale’ signs. What you do with the cone is largely up to you. Scottish songstress Nina Nesbitt once told me of a cone she’d picked up from a late night drinking session that now forms part of the set for her live shows. Really, anything goes.
Take a look at the below for a little inspiration. I found this cone attached to the top of a street sign one Sunday morning, and thanks to @aleclykken for the below – emerging from a Las Vagas club at 7am, he stumbled across this fine fellow putting his stolen cone to great use.
June 21, 2013 | No Comments