The Important Email

I have an important email to send to an important man. I’m hoping this man will read my important email and agree to its requests. I haven’t met this man yet and although the email is important, I’m confident I can be relatively casual. I send my email from my phone, casually yet with great importance.


It would be great to catch up and discuss some ideas. Coffee at 3pm?


I’m pleased with my important email. It’s casual yet straight to the point. He’ll see it and think “Yes, I would like to catch up and discuss some ideas and drink coffee and be important at 3pm”

Then, as the iPhone makes its swishy ‘email sent’ noise, my heart sinks. I have used an email-kiss. A big fat kiss on the end of this important email. Suddenly my email isn’t just casual yet straight to the point; it’s suggestive! I have kissed this important man!

I’ve been TOO casual. My phone is a place I text my friends and family. Casual kisses to those people are little pockets of love and affection. They are accepted! They are EXPECTED! This man should not be receiving a kiss. He won’t be expecting this. It will hit him like a bolt out of the blue! He must think I’m being very inappropriate. For a man to love a man is a wonderful, natural thing that must be embraced and celebrated. For me to love THIS man would be nothing short of career suicide. I do not love this man. Yet, now he must think I do. He’ll probably think I’ve planned our life together. He’s concerned it will turn into some sort of ‘Fatal Attraction’ type scenario in which I stalk him, break into his family home and boil his child’s innocent bunny rabbit. He’s probably discussing this with his wife, wondering what they will do.

He’s replied! Oh dear God, he’s replied! My stomach churns like a 14 year old girl and I have to remind myself that I don’t ACTUALLY love this man. I click to open the email as my heart pounds through my chest. He won’t want to progress with our important catch up. He won’t want to discuss ideas with a man who email-kisses another man. He’ll think coffee at 3pm is the suggestion of a date! He’ll fob me off with some excuse, or worse still, bring up the email-kiss and issue a warning about approaching his family.

The email springs open.


Coffee at 3pm sounds good. I’ll look forward to discussing some ideas.


Oh thank the good Lord! He hasn’t fobbed me off. He hasn’t come up with a lame excuse or made even a subtle reference to my email-kiss. We’ll drink coffee at 3pm and discuss some ideas. I’ve got away with… hold on… HE has email-kissed! He’s returned my accidental email-kiss with a very deliberate email-kiss of his own! How inappropriate. I must warn my family.

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By Darryl Morris

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